On Drowning.

This is probably a fairly strange place to start off. A near death experience is a great place to begin the story of the rest of my life. I have always loved the water. Ironically, I hate getting wet, but swimming had always been a favorable activity. Which is naturally why on a vacation to Florida we would take a few days to spend at Daytona Beach. I never understood why a hotel on the beach would have an outdoor pool. That is also to say I don't understand why we were spending our time poolside at Daytona Beach. I suppose a 6th grader doesn't care as long as there is swimming. It was at this redundant pool that I met a boy whose name has been lost to time. We became friends for those days we spent at that hotel. We eventually moved from the pool to the beach. The beach was always the best because there were always great waves. My mom told me not to go out too far as any mother would. She laid her towel out on the beach and went to tan. An insignificant amount of time passed before my mom noticed how I had suddenly become quite seperated from my friend. I had no idea I was in danger until I heard her panicked shouts. She made her way out to me. I had been unable to touch the ground for some time and was therefore growing tired. As we drifted further out, the waves seemed to become harder to stay above. She screamed for help. I still didn't understand what was wrong. I had never heard of rip tides before ,although I was always told to watch out for an undertoe during our summer trips to Lake Ontario. As my mother struggled to keep us both afloat, we were finally rescued by a couple on boogie boards. This was not before my mother lost her sunglasses she never took off in a hurry to help me. It's always seemed odd to me that those sunglasses were the strongest memory I have of that day. They reminded me of the 50's even though I didn't know what that meant at the time. They had a round white frame with black arms. The reality of what was happening to us never clicked until those glasses plunged into the Atlantic. I don't remember the "ride" in. I laid my head on one of the boards and didn't lift my head until I could feel the sand on my legs. The first thing I said was that I was sorry that I lost my mother's glasses. I can feel the pit in my stomach just as strong writing this as I did that day. Obviously, she could care less about a pair of cheap glasses. I felt guilty for a long time about that though. It was moments after being on solid ground that I found a dried blue starfish in the sand next to my mom's towel. I don't believe in fate but I always felt that that starfish was meant for me somehow. I still have it to this day. While I have never thought twice about swimming in open water again, my mother still has nightmares. A watery death seems to be one of those great fears of hers. At least hers is more legitimate than my unexplained phobia of bugs.

An Introduction.

In all honesty, this was never meant to be read. Posting your entire life on the internet is a very bold act for me, even if no one ever reads it. I was born in a perpetually cloudy section of upstate New York roughly 23 years ago. At a meager 4lbs15oz., I was small enough to fit in the palm of my father's hand. Not that that is hardly something that defines me. I've always been somewhat of an academic and never really been one for the mainstream I suppose. I was a poorly styled tomboy until I finally "grew into myself". I guess my sense of fashion has been one of those things that defines me, but I suppose that goes for everyone whether they admit it or not. There's plenty of time for definitions later though. First and foremost, this is meant to be a sort of memoire. The word memoire seems to me to have such a sense of finality to it, though. While I hate the idea of a diary, for reasons I can't even begin to explain, I feel like my present is just as important to mention as my past. I think this should just about do it for an introduction. Forgive the sense of rambling. It is my intention to write what comes to mind, as putting my thoughts to words has never been an easy task for me.